Perhaps the most common difficulty with thinking about recovery is having a clear idea of what it actually is. For those in the middle of an eating disorder it can seem like for everyone else recovery is about weight and eating – about gaining weight for those who are struggling with anorexia, or about regulating and controlling eating for those who are fighting bulimia or binge eating disorder. In fact, eating and weight are just a small part of recovery and really are more of a symptom of how well recovery is going rather than the main feature of recovery.
If you are fighting an eating disorder and thinking about recovery, it is very important that you do take the time to find out and think about what recovery will be for you. If you do not know then it is a bit like setting out on a journey with no idea of your destination. You need to know where you are going so that you can make sure you get there – but also so you can be sure that you do not end up somewhere you didn’t want to be. Having an eating disorder is very frightening – especially when you are being pushed towards getting help and treatment. Sometimes it can be tempting just to try to stay where you are and not change things because you are scared of what might happen. But the trouble is that this is a bit like being in a small boat on a river and deciding not to paddle. You will find that if you do nothing you will drift further downstream – and you need to be careful because for most people the end of the river is not a place where they actually want to end up.
So what IS recovery? If you are thinking about working towards recovery, or are recieving treatment right now, or if you are not sure whether you want to leave your eating disorder behind, why not make a list of what you think reocovery IS and IS NOT! Then when you have finished, have a look at the following list, which was put together by a group of people on an ABC conference specifically focusing on recovery:
RECOVERY IS ……
J Freedom – from shame/guilt, from obsessive thoughts, from the need to achieve
J Confidence
J Eating/food no longer an issue
J Balance – sometimes eating too much, sometimes too little, but not thrown back into ED
J Being DIFFERENT
J Letting go/finding a new identity
J Being able to enjoy food as a pleasure
J Opportunity
J Wider perspective
J Being able to have a family
J Building up self esteem and self acceptance
J Able to eat ‘nice’ foods without fear of losing control
J Dignity
J Restoring perspective
J NO FEAR
J RELIEF
J Challenge
J Being able to see yourself as you really are
J Moving on
J MORE FUN
J No substituted shackle – is having NO SHACKLES!
J Looking to the future
J Letting go of the illness
J Freedom form being trapped
J Acceptance of oneself
J Not being too hard on oneself
J Peace of mind
J Not being alone
J Accepting the things you can not change
J Letting go of the past
J Having new thoughts – not staying trapped or static
J Being able to give enough to oneself and as a result the best of yourself to others
J ADMITTANCE
J Being honest and true to oneself and others
J Handing over the uncontrollable to your higher power
J Change
J Being selfless
J Doing the right things
J Not taking things out on yourself when things go wrong
J Feeling that you deserve recovery
Interestingly, the people on our conference found it was just as important to be clear of what recovery was NOT. Here's their list of what is definately NOT part of recovery:
RECOVERY IS NOT:
L Diets all the time
L Being chained to something else
L Just gaining weight
L Papering over the cracks
L Constant denial/keeping busy so you don’t feel bad
L Magic wand (it isn’t instant relief)
L Never having any problems ever again (its about dealing with them in a more positive way)
L Denial
L Isolation
L Dishonesty
L Living in the past
L Dwelling on the past
L Ignoring your ‘inner self’
L Revisiting previous habits
L Living a lie
L Harbouring bitterness
L Turning anger in on oneself
L Guilt
L Starvation
L Depending too much on others
L Losing responsibility
L Fear
L Restriction
L A hamster wheel of activity
Did you get many of the same things as we did? Some people find it really hard to think of recovery as a positive thing. They cannot get away from the fear that recovery means feeling as bad as they do with the eating disorder, but also being fat. For them it feels like recovery is about losing the only good thing they have. But our lists – and remember most of the people who were involved in writing these lists were on the road to recovery and had some personal experience of what it was like – show that recovery is actually about GAIN, NOT PAIN! Yes, recovery involves some time of dealing with sometimes painful issues from your past, and difficult emotions – but it is about finally being free from them!