Anorexia Bulimia Care :: anorexia nervosa bulimia eating disorders symptom treatmeant statistics anorexic information help suppo > Recovery

Some 'real life' stories of recovery

“I had struggled against anorexia for a long time before I started to work on recovery. I’d have loved to be able to be free of it much earlier but the fear I felt kept me from ever being able to look at recovery realistically. Sometimes I would try to eat better and not to worry about what I ate, but I would always end up back where I started. Starting to give up the eating disorder was the hardest thing I ever did. I guess I didn’t know for sure what lay ahead of me – whether I would make it to be truly free or whether I was destined to spend a lifetime hating myself and wishing I could be thinner. In my head, recovery was about returning to where I had been before the eating disorder developed, rather than about going somewhere new – and better. Now I have been recovered for such a long time I wish I could go back and tell myself years earlier that it was this great – and this worth it. Standing up to those fears and challenging what I thought about myself and the world – that was really hard, but now I feel like I am truly alive. In fact I think I am better off than a lot of my friends who have never had eating disorders, but worry about what they eat and what they look like and so on. I am so happy with myself and who I am now – I’ve really turned 100% from where I was ten years ago.” Alison 22

“Recovery for me is very much a 'two steps forward, one step back' process, but the important thing is that I am finally heading in the right direction, and freedom is (generally!) where my aim lies. Not always though, and sometimes it is too hard to keep my eyes on where I am heading and I can slip back into the old thought patterns, the old way of life. So far I have managed to get back on track slowly if I slip off and lose focus for a while. I've got a long way to go, but I can always hold on to the fact that the light is there, freedom can ultimately be mine. I am learning that it is ok to have bad days, it doesn’t necessarily mean everything's a disaster. Those are the days I have to tell myself it's going to get better - tomorrow will be better.

I still obsess over food, but it is gradually getting less and controlling me less. I am starting to go out more to places where there will be food, spending more time with my friends and family and missing out on a little less.

There are definitely two sides to recovery. Yes, it is terrifying, it really is- I’m not denying that. Learning to eat, risking being kind to yourself? It's overwhelming and I have days where I just don't know what to do with myself.

The other side though is that it is worth it. It is the best move you can make, the most important and life changing decision. Recovery involves taking risks, it takes courage and determination, but as you get better, these things also grow so that you are able to cope with the next stage. I've come a long way already and although I feel there is a long way to go and it's still really hard, I know in my life now there is much more positive. Life is better and improving. Recovery means freedom, liberation, being at peace with yourself.

As you recover you start to feel real happiness - better than any you can get from starving or losing weight because it is REAL - and it's amazing as you start feeling it.” Maddy 21

Recovery from a parent's perspective ...

“It took us a lot of faith to believe in recovery when the illness seemed to defy all hope of it ever happening. The consultant told us that recovery would take at least 18 months, if not 2 or 3 years, which came as a huge shock for us. But there was no choice except supporting our daughter through the horrors of anorexia, her depression, at times aggressive behaviour and the pain of seeing her lose so much weight. We knew we had to show her how much we loved her and that listening to her talk about her problems would help her and help us understand things better from her point of view. We learnt about the illness from her and from a variety of sources, which reassured us and gave us hope.

Recovery meant far more than just having her weight restored, but by then she was able to think more clearly. No one could tell her she looked ‘well’ or ‘better’ because she thought that meant ‘fat.’ Being able to fit back into school was an enormous achievement for her, so too doing her GCSE exams which she passed well despite so much time off. She had a lot of good support from us, from her GP, her consultant and her counsellor, as well as from friends and teachers. We helped her look towards the future and to see all the good about herself and what life could offer. It took a lot of time and effort reassuring her and encouraging her. She took up some new hobbies, including karate for a short period, which helped her release some of the anger she felt. She stuck to the prescribed diet, which was a bit rigid, but gradually added in new foods and became more relaxed about trying different things and eating out with friends as time went by, really living life again.

Looking back we can see that her recovery was a process, a series of forward and sometimes backward steps, but ones that all added up to real progress.”